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TOPKAPI PALACE

If Donald Trump did palaces....

The Topkapi Palace is one of those places that You Just Have To See.


Yeah, whatever. It bored the arse off me. Seriously, it was the second most boring place I went to during my time in Istanbul (the Basilica Cistern wins first place).


If you get the Museum Pass card then a trip to the Topkapi is included and you might as well make the most of it. The views are stunning from the far end of it. But the rest of it? I just found it really dull. It is Ottoman architecture at its worst. If Donald Trump did sultan's palaces then it would look like the Topkapi.


There's not really anything to see in it. Most of the palace is just buildings that you are expected to be impressed by. I just found it, I don't know... Clumsy?


If you don't have a ticket then you can actually visit a lot of it for free. You can get through the outer courtyard right up to the inner gate without spending any money. OK, you'll get hassled by touts and idiots pretending to be guides but they are easy enough to ignore (if you've spent more than a day in Istanbul by this point then you will have developed that skill).


I'm not so much of a boor that I'd write the whole thing off, thought . There are a couple of parts that I really enjoyed.


STUFF I LIKED

It wasn't all moans.

Haghia Eirene

A tiny and ancient church in the outer courtyard
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Archaeological Museum

Where a lot of ancient Istanbul ended up
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Chamber of the Sacred Relics

Apparently the most sacred site of Islam outside of Saudi Arabia

(Photo credit: User:Gryffindor, Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain)
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HAGHIA EIRENE

Ancient church in the first courtyard with the most arsey guards you'll come across.

Haghia Eirene (or Hagia Irene depending on which source you read) goes back to the time of Constantine. Maybe even older. But Constantine was the guy responsible for ordering it to be built.

It pre-dates the Hagia Sophia and was the Emperor's main church until it was built. The Council of Constantinople met here, all the main dudes of early Christianity argued the toss over the direction the new religion would take. You can bet they ran up a ton of expenses. I doubt there was much blow in Imperial Constantinople (although there may have been as it looks like there was in Egypt) but there were plenty of hookers and if they didn't have a good Christmas that year then I don't know what to say.

Anyway, the Haghia Eirene is old. Damn near 1500 years old. The current building dates to the 500's CE and while it is nice to imagine the ancient patriarchs sitting on the synthotron at the back (the terraced bench seats, not some Byzantine rave) they are about 200 years later.

The church is small but atmospheric. There weren't a lot of people there when I visited. Maybe only three others. You get the place to yourself and when that happens it's not hard to let your mind wander.

It is also very stark. There is none of the decoration of the Haghia Sophia, just a simple black mosaic cross on the apse. Maybe there was more and it's been plastered over (the Ottomans used it as the Topkapi's arsenal) but all that remains is that one mosaic. At the back is a courtyard that has been closed off to the public which was the cemetery of the Byzantine emperors. Most of the sarcophagi have been removed to the Archaeological Museum.

From what I've heard, the church is not always open. It is used as a performance venue but even outside those times it is not always open to the public. When I visited I think it had been shut to tourists for a while. If you go and it is open then visit it. It's part of the Museum Pass allowance (not listed on the Museum Pass website but is on the Topkapi Museum's). A lovely little place.

Oh yeah, and the guards? Step out of line and they are on you faster than any other spot I visited.

Apse of the Haghia Eirene, complete with synthotron and bird shit protection net to add to the experience.

The Archaeological Museum

How museums used to be if you grew up in the 70's

I hate modern museums. I don't want interactive exhibits. I don't want to push and pull, I don't want immersive displays, I don't want to learn through experimentation. I want to gawp at plundered artifacts in dusty glass cases with badly written explanatory cards. I want the raw material, I don't want the interpretation.

Why? Because it makes me ask that very question.

"Why?"

I don't like other people thinking for me, even when they might be archaeological experts. I want to come away wanting to figure things out.

The Archaeological Museum in the Topkapi is just like that. It is old school. And it is bursting at the seams with plundered stuff. If you were a Byzantine emperor, head of the most powerful and opulent realm on the planet, would you think for a moment that you would end up in here being gawked at by idiots with selfie-sticks? I bet that wasn't your last thought...

It makes me nostalgic, too. I think my love of history came from watching Ray Harryhausen movies and visiting the Kelvingrove Museum in Glasgow with my dad. The Archaeological Museum looks like it has not changed in decades. That's what makes it so great. There was a quiet corner on the top floor where a fully 1970's decorated room transported me back to my childhood for a moment. Maybe the museum was more about remembering my own history.

Outside is a small courtyard. In amongst the bushes are lumps of ancient Roman statuary. Heads and feet and capitals like a grumpy Titan had kicked over his play set. There is a little cafe here. Sit at a table in the late afternoon sunshine and have a Turkish coffee. The service is slow but it does not matter. It is sitting here that matters
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CHAMBER OF THE SACRED RELICS

This is considered the second most sacred place in Islam. According to the guide book, anyway. The chamber holds Islam's holiest relics. I'm not going to show my ignorance or pretend to have any expertise by listing what they are. Because I don't know and other than lifting it straight from Wikipedia I would not know what I was talking about or the significance they hold for Muslims.

I ended up in the chamber by accident. I'm not a believer so I always feel like an intruder whenever I get caught up in anything religious. A fraud. So I tend to keep out the way but I'm also a nosey bastard and got caught up in the flow of people. Next thing I knew I was inside.


The Chamber of the Sacred Relics has a real feel to it of a place that you should not be. It is not the objects, it is the atmosphere generated by a crowd of people with total faith in them and their veracity that is so powerful.

I am not comfortable recommending this as a tourist sight because that is completely wrong. No matter what I think of religion, the devotion of other people is not a spectator sport. It's a moment of vulnerability. I don't really know how to put it other than it is an impactful experience.

(Photo credit, see here)

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